Good in Goodbye
I have had to give up a lot in my life. Most of which was of no choice of my own. If I’m being honest, the first weeks of my life I had to lose the most important person of my life and that was the springboard to a life filled with devastating loss. We have all felt it in one way or another: death, rejection, abandonment, human disappointment, being laid off…the list goes on. What no one talks about though is the loss and grief associated with walking away from a person or a thing or a place that wasn’t inherently bad and actually made you feel really good for a time and provided much needed comfort. There comes a time though when you have to choose to leave something that you just know the time has simply expired on and endure the temporary but excruciating discomfort or pain that leads to the beauty of choosing yourself and trusting that God has better in store.
Until recently, I had never had the opportunity to decide, without some dramatic or traumatic event, to walk away from something that was good for a season but wasn’t what I needed or needed anymore. And let me tell you, IT SUCKS. It’s uncomfortable and for me, I feel it physically every single time. This is when I know it’s time to quiet the outside noise so I can hear God clearly and also recall the times He provided exactly what I needed. In one season it was His peace that surpassed all understanding and in another season it was the tangible evidence that you truly lack nothing. Then the clouds clear and you see why God needed you to bet on yourself but most importantly, bet on Him. He never said walking with Him would be an easy journey and in fact He said that you will walk through a valley of a shadow of death but He will be with you. What’s your shadow of death? For me, it has been feeling how tender my heart is and how easy it can be broken, to the point that it feels like something has died. And something has died. Not literal human death but whatever He called you to walk away from has died and it’s time to leave it at its tomb.
Ever since Easter (Resurrection Sundee), I can’t stop thinking about Mary and the others at Jesus’ tomb but He wasn’t there. We weep and groan over dead things and God in His grace and mercy as a Father, patiently waits. He knows that in our humanness, we are going to sift through what was and cling to some nostalgia. He lets us feel our way through until the time has come to let the dead rest.
There is good in goodbye. There is great in saying I loved this but I love me more. There is GREATER though, in trusting that even if it breaks your heart, God is close to the brokenhearted. So friends, it’s no point in weeping over the grave of “what was” because Jesus is already at the gate of all He’s promised.
Love,
Ashley
