Until Now
There is a line in Genesis 32 where Jacob reflects on twenty long years of labor, deceit, manipulation and w a i t i n g at the hands of Laban. He simply says: “I have been staying with Laban and have been delayed until now.” (Genesis 32:4)
Jacob didn’t ignore the delay. He owned the frustration, the labor and every season he spent surviving in environments that couldn't hold his promise. He called the delay what it was and then he closed that door with two simple words: until now.
Today marks the first official day of fall and for me and I pray for so many of you, today is a changing of the guard.
For seasons, I have found myself playing the role of the fixer. I was the one carrying the heavy tools, managing and even at times…micromanaging the atmosphere, trying to manually press and smooth out every wrinkle in my life, my relationships and my circumstances through pure willpower and emotional labor that God told me was human striving which produces human error. My body was inflammed, waist expanded lol from trying to keep things presentable on the outside while carrying the exhaustion of survival mode on the inside.
What a wrestle this summer has been because I found myself back in the wilderness and I feel like Jacob with a limp lol but fully leaning on the Lord. (Which reminds me that I did say that my 39th birthday was my Exodus, LORD, watch what you say lol). I’ve stayed faithful though, even when the environment, humans and even my dream life felt like secondhand smoke (the last 7-8 days alone) trying to cloud my peace and give me a spiritual headache. I’ve seen the inside of the fiery furnace but thank GOD, I don’t smell like smoke. Here I am, finally 40 and I am guarding my boundaries and learning what and who belongs in my sacred space and what or who has to stay outside the proverbial gate. If I have to strive for it to sustain, then it isn’t God.
Here is what this seasonal shift means for us all though:
The Expiration of the Delay: A delay is not a denial but delays do have an expiration date. What held you, drained you or required you to over function has lost its legal right to your energy. The "until now" has arrived.
Laying Down the Striving: You don't have to sweat through forcing outcomes. True peace, alignment and covenant blessings are not manufactured by human pressure; they are planted by God and what God plants takes root naturally.
Walking in Uncompromised Air: Your peace is sacred ground. Paul even said that we are called to PEACE. You no longer have to tolerate environments, connections or habits that pollute your clarity. When you know Who covers you, you protect the atmosphere you rest in.
The heat of the summer furnace was real, but it finished the work of refining my discernment, sharpening my dream interpretation, clearing away the clutter and teaching me the value of resting in the Father's provision. God told me in a dream last month, “you are headed to the beach” which is a reminder that as we step into this new season to give ourselves permission to drop the heavy tools of self-reliance, human striving and over functioning and just rest on His beach at His shore.
Take a deep, clean breath because what was delayed has reached its “until now” and the harvest begins today.
With love and sooooo much expectation,
Ash
